Funny Animal Jokes

  • The Dog's Diary versus The Cat's Diary (Rating: 4.55) The Dog's Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! ...Read More
  • Misbehaving Guide Dog (Rating: 4.25) A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg. The man reached in his pocket an ...Read More
  • Meals on Wheels (Rating: 2.00) Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- ...Read More
  • Matador Special (Rating: 3.00) A man on a business trip in Mexico decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little dive next to the venue called "The Mata ...Read More
  • Make My Horse Laugh (Rating: 4.00) There once was this bar with a sign in its window. It read, anyone who can make my horse laugh will have all the drinks they want on the house. So thi ...Read More
  • Impressive Hunting Dog (Rating: 3.00) An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. S ...Read More
  • Idiot Chicken Farmer (Rating: 2.00) An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred ...Read More
  • Hung Like An Elephant (Rating: 4.00) This little boy is visiting the zoo with his father. They stop to have a look at an elephant and the kid just stares at it in fascination. Eventually ...Read More
  • Helping To Clean The Dishes (Rating: 2.00) Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer ...Read More
  • Gorilla Chase! (Rating: 4.00) There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and ha ...Read More
  • Getting Excited at the Zoo (Rating: 0.00) It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, ...Read More
  • Fur Fortune (Rating: 2.00) Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt. "Good wor ...Read More
  • Flying Turtle (Rating: 0.00) Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and cr ...Read More
  • Fleas (Rating: 2.50) Q: What did one flea say to the other flea? A: Shall we walk or take a dog? ...Read More
  • Farmer Joe and his Mule (Rating: 0.00) Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. I ...Read More
  • Farmer and the Pretty Lady (Rating: 0.00) One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped ...Read More
  • Enchanted Rattlesnake (Rating: 0.00) It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse we ...Read More
  • Elephant and Man (Rating: 0.00) What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?" ...Read More
  • Ducks in Heaven (Rating: 4.00) Three women die in a car accident and go to Heaven. Saint Peter meets them at the Gates and welcomes them saying "you can do as you please in Heaven, ...Read More
  • Dragging your feet (Rating: 0.00) Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowin ...Read More
  • Dangerous Squirrels (Rating: 0.00) A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe?s first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob?s lead. Bob saw a small herd of de ...Read More
  • Comfortable (Rating: 4.00) Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order ...Read More
  • Clever Doggie (Rating: 4.00) A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the ...Read More
  • Chuckie Chicken (Rating: 4.00) An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster ...Read More
  • Camel Questions (Rating: 5.00) A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well s ...Read More
  • Calf Value (Rating: 4.00) A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what h ...Read More
  • Beethoven's Chicken (Rating: 3.00) Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? It kept saying "Bach, Bach, Bach..." ...Read More
  • Bear on a Rampage (Rating: 4.00) Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their li ...Read More
  • Bear Hunt (Rating: 2.00) Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wo ...Read More
  • At The Circus (Rating: 0.00) A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them. "Mommy, what's that long thing ...Read More
  • A Koala and a Hooker (Rating: 4.00) A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on ...Read More
  • 20,000 Cockroaches (Rating: 0.00) Customer: Do you have and cockroaches? Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman. Customer: I would like 20,000 of them. Clerk: What would you ...Read More
  • Cock A Doodly Doo! (Rating: 0.00) This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he ...Read More
  • Jesus and the Robber (Rating: 0.00) One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he rumagged through the desk. He replied, "Who said tha ...Read More
  • How'd you want them (Rating: 3.00) A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes. In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. N ...Read More
  • Got a headache (Rating: 0.00) It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla ca ...Read More
  • Goodbye To Mother (Rating: 3.00) A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat s ...Read More
  • The Mink Coat (Rating: 0.00) A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the ...Read More
  • The Hunting Dog (Rating: 0.00) Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any duc ...Read More
  • Living with the Wolf Man (Rating: 3.00) The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he ...Read More
  • Monkey Organization (Rating: 3.00) An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys ...Read More
  • Wittle Wabbit (Rating: 4.00) A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper ge ...Read More
  • The Other Side (Rating: 1.00) Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. ...Read More
  • Lion Tamer (Rating: 0.00) Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no li ...Read More
  • Vampire bat (Rating: 0.00) A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all ...Read More
  • Life or Death Issue (Rating: 1.00) There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she called 911. "You gotta help me find my parrot!" ...Read More
  • Three Bulls (Rating: 3.50) Three bulls, one large, one medium, and one small, were standing in the pasture and had just heard that the farmer had just bought a new, larger bull. ...Read More
  • The Goat (Rating: 3.00) Three guys were walking in the forest and came across a big hole in the path. To find out how deep the hole was, they threw some rocks in it, but d ...Read More
  • Talking Horse (Rating: 4.00) A jogger is running down a country road as a horse yells at him from the paddock: "Hey mate, come over here!" The jogger is surprised but runs ...Read More
  • Six Foot Cockroach (Rating: 0.00) A man is sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rings. He opens the door, and there is a six-foot tall cockroach that punches him between ...Read More
  • The Centipede (Rating: 5.00) A man goes into a pet shop and asks the owner if he could buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner says that he's got a centipede that can ...Read More
  • Rooster Race (Rating: 3.50) An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. ...Read More
  • Giraffe (Rating: 1.00) A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They get so drunk the giraffe passes out. At closing time the barman says its time to go and you can't leave ...Read More
  • Worm (Rating: 1.00) What is worse than finding a worm in your apple is finding half a worm in your apple. ...Read More
  • Sick Bird (Rating: 3.00) What do you give a sick bird? A tweetment. ...Read More
  • Watch for Ice! ...apparently bears can't read. (Rating: 4.67) ...apparently bears can't read. ...Read More
  • A Brave Little Doggie (Rating: 4.38) He may be small but he is brave. ...Read More
  • Horse power (Rating: 4.40) An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse name ...Read More
  • Animal football match (Rating: 4.14) One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Ev ...Read More
  • Bilingual Dog (Rating: 3.60) A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you m ...Read More
  • Smart Dog (Rating: 4.00) A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the ...Read More
  • Prize Goat (Rating: 4.14) Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he ...Read More
  • What type of snake (Rating: 3.25) There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until the ...Read More
  • King of the jungle (Rating: 4.00) A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animal ...Read More
  • Baby Turtle (Rating: 3.25) A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch an ...Read More